27th of April 2022
I do not remember how I woke up yesterday. Everything turns blurred to me. But what I can remember is that I left you hanging last night. My last texts were around 5 o'clock in the evening. All I do is sleeping right after I came back home from Lotus. I bought a lot of things since I got my salary. Hoping that it will be enough through this month. Then, at night, I went out with my family because my dad wants to treat all of us. He just got money from his EPF account. Then, we all got the money from my sister's father in law. He works as an officer at Bank Rakyat. Great. Now, we do not have to worry about where to get small money exchanged for Duit Raya anymore.
The other postgraduate in my lab is going to return to his hometown this evening. Leaving me as the only senior in the lab. I need to make sure the lab is tidy and clean before I went back home. So far, the tiny little room is clean. I do not know how his table was. I was in the lab for a really short time. I am not comfortable if there is any lecturer was in the lab too. I feel insecure. I know that they have a good intention towards me. But somehow, I just feel so small, not confident, and stupid in front of them. Every single time they asked me about my progress, I am stuck. Do not even know what to say. Then, I went to the library, trying to transfer the data from a compact disk to my notebook through email. Turns out, all the computers in the library do not compact disk reader at all. Oh my god. My brain jammed. I cannot do anything at all. Therefore, I just headed home. I planned to transfer the data right after I arrived home. But, we just can plan everything. And I choose to sleep. Not long after that, My mom woke me up to drive her to her workplace. Then, we shopped our blouse at AEON Bukit Tinggi. I used my money to buy them the blouse too. It was pretty.
At night, we sent our that to the bus station. He went back to our hometown quite earlier than us. To be honest, I can choose to go back home as early as my dad. But I just do not like thinking how it is gonna be if my aunt also went back home at the same day as us. My heart does not longed celebrating the Eid with them anymore. It still hurt me remembering the day that her daughter ambushed me when I am defending my uncle. Their ways of thinking are not on the same road with my perspectives anymore. I loved them before, truly. But, as we grow old, and they become more successful than mine, I am just distancing myself from them. Because most of the words that come from their mouths are nothing other than hurting everybody else that hear it.