14th of April 2023
I wrote a lot of poems about you. Because that is my language to cope with this unbreathable feelings. Some poems about hating you to the point that I prayed for your chest cramped whenever you heard my name. Some poems about how I'm trying to accept all of this and watch you from the distance. But most of the times, my poems is questioning, where we went wrong and why you are doing this to me. Heart is a weird thing. At first, I thought that you are the filler of my loneliness, the one that I can go to whenever I feel lonely. I want to manipulate you, but look, it was me that being manipulated.
That is why I can't be mad at you. Because I'm the one that come into this arena with a bad intention. It is okay. I learn the lesson in a hard way. Don't you realized? That I rarely talked bad about you. Too rare. Because I'm afraid, if I cried while grumbled about you, you will be on the list of karma. You are not a bad person. Even in a short time, you make me happy. That is why, I still told the world that you are not the protagonist in this situation. It was me. I cheated first, and you just followed my leads. Just consider this as the last piece of my humanity for you.