11th of April 2023
We broke up. Almost a year ago. He found someone else. Someone new, maybe. I didn't get a chance to meet her yet but I'm pretty sure, she is better than me in every aspects. Even typing this sentences still make me want to cry. I knew the end of our story, I knew exactly this will happened. I knew karma is waiting for me behind the door no matter how much I'm begging and repenting myself. I knew we are not gonna end up together. I knew you are a red flag for me. I knew I'm gonna get hurt if I stayed. But deep own I want to be wrong. So wrong this time. But why, why my guts always shoot at the right place?
You lied to me. I asked you before if you have someone else. Under the tree at the playground. You fucking remember, right? I said it to you, I'm not gonna steal other women's men. You should be honest to me at that time. You should slap me with the truth at that moment. Revenge best serves cold, right? That was the moment, you can fucking see the pale of my face when you told me you have someone else. Instead of me hearing from other's mouths. Making me stupid for putting you above everyone else. You hurt me, you lied to me. You said that I'm the only one but actually you have everyone. I told you my weaknesses and you really took that chance an stabbed me at the most severe part. Great, you just throw me into a deeper hole, deeper than the hole you found me first. You are nothing from the man that I fell for 10 years ago. You are someone else. You are a monster. I'm fucking scared of you. I'm trying my best not to cry in front of my best friend when we are talking about you. I thought my feeling is just as shallow as others feeling. But when I'm alone in my car, I cried till I can't breath. You are my safe house. Whenever I was hurt by the world, you are the fist place I will run to. So when you are the one that hurt me, where should I go? I'm homeless. And you make me. And the saddest thing is, I'll try to hate you. Because that is what I should be, right? But I can't. I really fall in love with you. And if you come back to me, I'm sure, I'm gonna run back to you too. It is pathetic, but yeah, I want you back.
But I still let you go. I don't care whose come first. Either me or her, but the fact that you kill me with the weakness that I told you not to, is the reason that I'm not gonna get back to you, again. I'm not having a grudge towards you since I think this is my karma for whatever I have done to you before. But, for some reason, I hope you will feel regret and frustrated. For some reason, I hope you can't breath whenever you think of me. For some reason, I hope you realized, you just made a stupid decision by cheating on me. Almost a year, now, but I'm still standing at the same spot you left me. I'm moving on, by loving you from distance. I hope you are happy.