06th of April 2022
There was a total blackout last night. My dad went to the mosque, leaving me and my mother. We have got nothing to do. Luckily, that night was not so hot because it quite rainy, even slowly. So, we do not even try to find a rechargeable fan. But too many things were postponed for a while. The laundry, the cat poo and my time to finish my presentation slide for Thursday meeting. But when the time everything went back to normal, I just too tired to do the analysis. My back was hurt. My whole body aching from doing all of the household chores. I cannot get enough sleep lately. And to be honest, my soul feels quite empty right now. Maybe because I'm too busy to handle the house till I forgot to handle myself. I do not even have time for me this week. Yes, I'm a mess right now. Everything is uncomfortable for me.
You just texted me a few times yesterday. You said that you have an emergency in your family. Well, at least you informed me first before keeping me waiting for you. Then, after Isyak, you texted me. You told me that your cousin's son are suffering cancer at the final stage. The doctors already give up on him and expected that he just got to live till the Eid. So, the doctors told his family to bring him home and spent the remaining time together. You visited him, paying the final goodbye that you can give. You are mentally and physically exhausted for that. To be honest, I don't know the exact reason why you are tired. Is it because of your cousin's son or something else? Do you really close to them that his illness actually can affect your life? I want to ask for more explanation, but I think, you need more comfort than questions. So, here I am, trying to figure out what kind of comfort that you are expecting from me. Losing someone will never be easier when they have placed in our life. No matter how long you know the future is, you will never be prepared for it. Just be strong, my dear. You always know where to go when the things get hard, right? Here, let me comfort you here.
I'm so stressed right now. Everything is a mess. I thought that finally I get the right result. But when I analyzed the data it more worse that before. Yes, I cannot deny that I'm too scared to present tomorrow, and I really want to postpone the meeting because the result really sucks right now. The new experiment started to give me a headache. I don't even know if my result right now really worth to be present tomorrow because for me, it still needs a few experiments again. I'm so mad. Yeah. I'm mad at everything. The thing does not go the way I planned. And I don't know how to fix it. Yeah, I know that I will get what I deserved tomorrow. But, I don't know, I'm too weak maybe? I really want to sleep right now. I don't want to think about anything else. For the first time, I really want to be sick. God, let me be sick. Please.