24th of April 2022
Woke up this morning is tiring. I just want to lay on my bed this whole day. All the sadness that I have held up since yesterday, is burdening me today. At first, I want to tell you about my day (yesterday) around midnight. But, I'm too tired, picking up my brother and his wife from Shah Alam, celebrating her birthday and wrote my journal.This morning, I woke up, with your texts. Even though you are not here, in front of me. I can sense it from your morning wish, you are happy for today. The difference is that, I cannot be happy with you anymore. So, I hit you with my honesty. Telling you that I was tired. My texts may be dried because I am mentally exhausted.
The thing that really shocked me, is what you replied after that. You just showered me with your comforting words. Telling me that you are proud of me. Not knowing a single thing that happened to me, you just try your best to lift my motivation. I love it. I almost cried. I cannot keep things from you. That is why I just tell you that I was having a really, really hard day, yesterday. But, I just keep it by myself because I do not want to ruin his day. Because he seems so happy that day. And he replied that, "There is no such thing as you would ruin my day. You are my day and will be my life. So, I want to always be with you at anytime". You, just, comforting me again and again. I told you about my ex-crush and my sister in law that sharing the same birthday. On how God surprised me by making the day that I hate myself on whatever happened to me, is the same that I should be happy. And you put me first. "You are the only one that can choose to be happy or sad on that day. You are the only one that can choose which is more important, ex-crush or sister in-law. The choice is yours, always". Thank you for never blaming me and understand me.
We went to Banting again today. But first, we went to AEON Bukit Tinggi mall. Exchange Aiman's wife's shoes since it did not fit at all. And at the same, I bought my powder foundation. It was on sale. Then, we drove to Sijangkang, and Sungai Lang. God, there are too many people trying to buy snacks for this Eid. And lastly, we just went to the same shop we bought things last week. I also bought some cookies for you. Hoping that we can meet again this Eid at our village. I cannot wait to meet you again. To be honest, I want to take pictures with you. But, looking at myself in the mirror, maybe next time. Because I still hate myself.