26th of March 2022
Today starting out to be great. I woke up late around 09.00am. Then washing all of my bed and pillow sheets. Trying to finish all of my applications which are the MyBrainSc, the UPTA for my next semester and car sticker to enter my university. But I got this feeling that I might forget something and I don't know what. I watched several videos on YouTube about street food and right now, I'm craving for Indonesian food. Nah, I'm broke. And you, you asked me if I will be free next Sunday. My hopeless romantic heart thought that you are gonna ask me out, but my mind knows you too well. That's not gonna happen. Because you are jokingly wishing me about fasting. I'm not mad. I understand your situation. But to be honest, a little bit disappointed because till today, I still want you to be next to me when I drive to the UKM, Bangi. I guess, it is too late. The timing really is a b*tch.
I learnt something, yesterday. I learnt that sometimes, men also want to hear some cheesy pick up lines. It is true. He said something sweet, and I tried to reply his sweetness back. I googled to find the most suitable pick up line in our situation and landed it on him. "Your license should get suspended for driving me crazy". That is what I sent to him. He was laughing. I know he was laughing at that time. And he just said he loves me. I guess, men also want the reassurance too. Just like us, women. Do I feel embarrassed? For sure, yes. But it was worth it. He was happy, at least I'm making him laugh. So, it is okay. It is not a big deal. Because I'm just being like this only when I was with him. And I know he never gonna judge me on that. Men seldom express their feelings. Whether they are sad, frustrated, happy, disappointed, in love or even mad. It seems like they got a little vocabulary in their head to make a simple sentence to let us know their feelings. And that is when women started to work. We, women have a strong instinct when it comes to read people. We got guts to know if something is wrong. But sometimes, we are too scared to ask because we don't want to be the ones that disturb them. That is why we use the beauty of language. We don't ask anything. We are just joking, trying our best to make them laugh, calm and feel the love. You are too busy lately. The final exam is near and you need to cover up everything. Too many things in your "worried department" and I don't want to be in there too. I want to be your safe haven. The one that you run to when the world turns its back on you. And that is it, ladies and gentlemen, that is how, we express our love. By being there, reading the silence.
A week from now we will be fasting. And I'm still in worse condition. Too far from Him. I know it, but sometimes, I can't resist it. Do I will get better this year? I don't know. I need to prepare myself. For sure, I'm gonna be the one that will wake up early and prepare the "sahur" for my family. Just like last year. The difference is that the amount of people that gonna eat are my parents, my grandma and me. That is all. I'm scared that we will be wasting the food too much this year because of my dad's craving things. Gosh, I'm gonna be rude to him every single day. I'm sure about it. I got the feeling that we can celebrate the Eid for real on May later. I really can't wait to back to my hometown. One thing that I cannot wait is to meet you. I want to meet you this Eid. I miss you. But God, please, cut your hair.