03rd of June 2025
A year after you. And I already give up in giving you up. I'm moving on. Seriously. But my moving on might be a little bit different with the world. Even writing this tearing me up. I still thinking about you every day. Still waiting for your status in WhatsApp. Sometimes when I just got back from work, or just come from a really far place, I kind a hope I found your car in my parking lot. Waiting for me. But knowing you for so long, I guess it will never happened. You with your limited world never want me to step in no matter how much assurances I throw in front of your face. God, in all of the good people in the world, why you met me with him and let him ruined me?
I don't know how my life was before you. But I remember too well how great, shining, blinking, enhanced my life during you. And that kind of life, is the life I'm living right now even after you. I dated to you in my car. I talked with you in my bed. I texted to you in my phone. I give us different ending. I know I should not do this. I know this is wrong. But this is the only way I can thinking of to survive me. By running from the reality. No, don't give me that look. Don't give me that sad look, that pathetic look, that serious look, that "she is sick" look to me. You are the one who come to me. Who begging to me even though I repeatedly said this fucking "breaking up" things will gonna happen some days. But you keep poisoning me with your "forever" and eventually, me that have degree, that got vice chancellor awards, stupidly believed it.
If sometimes in the future, you are wondering how my life is after you (which obviously you are not), well, this is it. Still the same. I live my life as same as I live it when I am with you. I fixed your empty space in my life by maladaptive dreaming about it. It does not sound like too sad when you put knowledge language on it. Hahaha. Do I want to text you? Yes. Do I want to laugh at your joke? Definitely. Do I want to watch football with you, listen your new favorite K-pop songs, and follow your recent dramas you absorbed in? Damn, right. Do I miss hearing your voice? Heaven, yes. But I know my limit. You make it loud and clear. Be happy, mi amor.